Our first Thanksgiving without my mother came and went like any other day. Except it wasn’t any other day. It was like any other Thanksgiving in that Chris and I prepared and cooked for days. We got up early and put the turkey in the oven then began final preparations for the family and friends who would be arriving for lunch. Everyone arrived, we ate, we visited and they left. It wasn’t until the house was completely quiet that I fully realized the extent of her absence.
I have been cooking Thanksgiving for years but it hit me that I would never eat her cooking again. Though it’s her recipes I have used all this time, it’s not the same. She had not really cooked much in a long while. However, she would bring the cauliflower salad every year. She wanted to contribute in some way. Ashley and Allison took that on this year. They did a fantastic job. And, as I scooped it onto my plate I thought about her and her insistence on bringing something. She was so stubborn. It made me smile.
So, here we are the first holiday without her came and went as I know the rest will. My earthly, selfish side is angry and heartbroken but my spiritual side knows she is feasting at the side of Jesus.
(I dreamed of her for the first time last night. She, her parents and her brother were all in my kitchen. I suppose they were all with me for Thanksgiving…if only in my dreams.)