Finality

The last piece of finality to the dream from which I cannot awake has been completed. The marker notifying the world that my mother Judy Yvette Eskew rests in this place has been installed. The marker that tells everyone who may venture by when she entered this life and when she exited it. The marker that gives a brief description of her various titles because there isn't enough room to properly describe everything she was to her family and friends.  The marker that will mirror my daddy's when the time comes with "together forever." That is all. The final part of the permanence of her absence.

I thought of her today while getting my nails done (actually, she's on my mind all the time).  I thought about how pretty her nails looked for her viewing. I thought about how much she enjoyed getting her nails done. I thought about the fact that manicures were the last grandmother/granddaughter outing she and Ashley had together.

Tonight, I'm planning our Thanksgiving menu and making my grocery list. While flipping through my cookbook I turned a page and there it was, a recipe in my mother's handwriting. Handwriting. Just ink on paper. But so much more than that.

 Seemingly benign things invoke an emotion. That is my life now. Part of my new normal. To know that when I least expect it something is going to pull thoughts of my mother from the back of my mind to the very front and center of it. Kind of funny in a way considering she loved to be the center of attention.