One Month

Life as I knew it came to a complete halt just 4 short weeks ago. It’s all a blur. Yet still very raw. The good days are starting to outnumber the bad ones. However, when a wave of emotion hits me there is no stopping it. And, the waves come at the most unexpected times.

My trip to California was a great distraction. Lots to do. People to see. Places to go. The last run of the Zac Brown Band tour. Bittersweet for the band and crew but a quiet sigh of relief for me. Being alone during tour season usually doesn’t bother me. And, this year was no different until my mother passed away. Chris could not be with me the day we buried her. He had a show to play that night and had to get on a plane before the funeral. In all the years he has had to leave, that morning was the most difficult. Not that I couldn’t bury my mother without him. I didn’t want to do it without him. Chris has been my rock. He has wiped almost every tear and listened to me drone on and on about my thoughts and feelings. He has truly been my earthly anchor in this storm.

I now find myself gravitating toward friends who have lost a parent(s). Not because I want to talk about it but because I know they understand my broken heart. An unspoken bond of motherless and/or fatherless children now exists. A club of sorts none of us wanted to join. 

So many have reached out in one way or another. Cards, calls, texts, emails, social media and in person. Kind words from every single one. It is heartwarming to know so many people love me and loved my mother.

Today is Halloween. Though not a major holiday still a first without her. We are making chili for dinner like we do every year and I can’t help but think about how much she loved my chili. She asked me to cook it for her all the time. It’s so strange to smile through tears.